Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
