Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
