Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
