You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
