My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
