The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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