I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
