The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
