She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
