it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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