I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
