Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
