smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
