I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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