I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
