just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
