So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
