her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
