I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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