I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
