One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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