it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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