I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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