Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
