He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
