I skipped work to stalk him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
