Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
