everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
