naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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