I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
