first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
