And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ketchup is God's man juice
porn star boner night. come get it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
