i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ketchup is God's man juice
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
