It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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