So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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