thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
