It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
