that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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