You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
