Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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