Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
