I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
