woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
