So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
