like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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