Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
