Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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