in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
