i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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