Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
