Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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