If i come over, it means nothing
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk is not a location!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
