Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My vagina just recognized that song.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
