Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize