Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
only if we run a train.
done.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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